Chapter 1 (One Life Ended)
Failed to find a job…
This perhaps because I did not care to look for a work during my college students days.
In the end, I’ who failed to find a job, without change, go back home, shut myself in and became a NEET…
I want to do something, however, I’m myself don’t know what I want to do…
I also don’t know what kind of job that I want to get.
The result, I’ve become stuck.
My will and valor also disappear, and my feeling(searching for a job) about it stopped.
This is not the real me…
What is different… ?
However, I don’t even know “what is” different.
I know that my hesitation to act also an excuse of a loser. I’m such a useless person…
Then from now on, what am I going to do ?
I don’t know…
While I’ worry about it in agony and desperation, in the end, I don’t have the mind to put in anything.
There is no one who I can call a friend from elementary up until high school graduation, and of course, I spent my college life alone.
When looking back, perhaps the cause of this is I was not accustomed to being serious.
Sure enough, is there even a person who want to become a friend with such person ?
Whether it is kindness nor jealousy, that emotion will turn someone toward the so-called 『Exerting oneself person』.
And naturally they will not consider a person whom from the start didn’t have any motivation, the target of such emotion.
While thinking about my life from now on, which will be forever alone.
What’s that ?
Can I eat it ?
Therefore, my lonely social withdrawal life has started in this way.
When I realize it, 5 years have already passed…
Since my college graduation, 5 years ago…
In the eyes of society, I would be the same as being dead.
Even the person in charge for recruitment at a corporation, they won’t accept a lazy person who had been doing nothing other than lazing around since his graduation from university 5 years ago.
I doubt that even part-time work will accept me.
Fortunately, In my home, there are also my brothers who are excellent and were accepted in large companies, thus strong criticism toward the fourth which is me never happened.
But still, my bond and relationship with my family further deteriorated year after year since my graduation from university 5 years ago.
Nowadays we almost never spoke to each other. I think my parents are already given up on me. In these times, I’m really glad for not being the only son. Even if I thank my brothers, it won’t be enough.
Without working, I’ve spent my dry life aimlessly.
Reading a Novel.
Reading a Manga.
Watching a Movie.
Listening to Music.
Beside those, the time which I spent it with some purpose would be browsing the internet.
Sometimes I take a look and immediately follow(plays) MMORPG which starts their service, but it won’t always last for long.
Everytime I receive harsh comments in a PT(Party), I’ve always immediately deleted my account, I don’t even remember how many times that had happened.
Because of various other things, I’d already stopped playing net-game since who-knows-when.
Gradually I’d stopped consuming any form of entertainment.
The rate to which I’m connected to the internet is also falling down proportionally. Finally, I’ stopped using the PC anymore.
Then, what usually I do you ask ?
I do nothing, I just wrap myself on my futon and sleep all days.
“This life, to reach the limit and being checkmated by only failing big once, it’s probably beyond hard mode”
I murmured to no one while lying down on the bed
“moreover, as I age, the degree of the difficulty only goes up”
Even if I’ approach someone and ask for a consultation, they surely will say「You’re spoiled」or 「You reap what you sow」and it will be the end.
Even if I don’t want to, should I get a job at a suitable company ?
However even if I get a job, doing it unwillingly would be a problem too.
Somehow I thought something complicated despite of it being useless.
I gaze at the familiar ceiling absentmindedly.
“At any rate, I’ve failed in life.”
Isn’t it rather cruel for having a life where I cannot find something that I like to do ?
I change my sleeping posture to flopping down.
“Even if I can redo my life on earth, at which point in time should I come back to ?”
No matter where I go back, the result will be the same.
Lately, I’ve been going out from home and coming to an old station at a remote place.
What reason I’m doing this for ? I’m searching a mountain close to this station from a map I see on the internet, it is for the sake of mountain climbing.
The mountain that perfectly existed for my need.
From what the TV has shown prior leaving the house, a typhoon is currently approaching.
Well, I don’t care or rather isn’t it good ?
I don’t care a typhoon is approaching and continue to climb.
By using a train, I have gotten to the last stop and from there, I told a taxi driver who parks near station my destination.
The taxi driver look at me doubtfully and ask me kindly「are you sure? The typhoon is approaching you know?」
I only return it with「Please」.
The driver somehow consented and turned his eyes away from me and turn to the front in silence, he then steps on the gas pedal.
There’s nobody at the mountain foot.
At the big parking loot, other than the taxi which I rode, there is only one another vehicle.
After paying the fare and getting off from the taxi, I’ begun to climb the mountain with great effort.
The ground is slippery, probably because of the light rain.
“This is, if I were to slip my foot it will be dangerous”
At the same time I’m muttering those words I’ also thought 『I should let my foot slip and die』
After all, if I continued to exist, I will be only become a public burden.
By the way, there is a condition on why I choose this mountain.
That is, it must be a mountain which is rarely being visited by people.
That’s why the popular climbing mountains are not selected.
So, I spend a single night climbing the deserted mountain alone.
This is my current obsession. Or it might be said the last entertainment left for me.
What is entertainment ?
Suddenly my footstep stop.
By any chance I–…
The sky shines brightly. The rain clouds raise a thunderous sound and at the same times the rains starts pouring down.
The intense rain is now pouring down on my face.
Currently, I’m halfway up the mountain area.
The paths in this mountain are very hard to walk.
The cliff seems to look down at me with full coercion(intimidation)
Uwaah… This seems to be quite dangerous.
So far, compared to “Entering mountain”( So I call it) the feels somewhat different.
I looked up at the dark sky.
Oh, I see… The typhoon is coming after all.
At this state, there may be a danger to my life too…
Somehow, it is unusual for me to have this kind of sense of danger.
Has my heart been numbed yet?
Somewhere in my mind I thought I want to die–
At that moment, and earsplitting roaring sound resounded.
At the same time, my view is surrounded by dazzling light.
A lighting strike ?
Did I got hit directly ?
Am I… going to die here ?
That being the case, it might actually be good.
At the same time I resign myself, I can feel a sense of liberation…
If reincarnation were to exist…
I hope I could find something that I want to do…
Goodbye, My empty life.
I reached a miserable end just like that, and my empty life comes to an end.
Special Thanks To JohnConstance